Why Monopoly is Terrible
I’m
sorry all you Monopoly fans, but I’m about to expose the bitter truth about Monopoly;
it is a terrible game. Possibly one of the worst board games. At least one of
the worst that I’ve played in my lifetime. My first critique: the game takes
FOREVER. If you look on the box, it says it takes like 45 minutes to an hour,
or something like that. This is most certainly an alternative fact. I used to
play this game with my family, and each game would take like 4 hours, and we
usually didn’t even finish a full game! We would usually quit early, because
after about 30 minutes, you know who’s going to win. Then it’s just a slow
march for everyone else, as they play hour after hour, just waiting to lose so
the drudgery can be over. Once someone pulls ahead in monopoly, there’s no
catching up to them. That combined with the fact that the game takes an
eternity make for a very dull, grueling experience. By the end of a full game
of Monopoly, I feel as if I ran a marathon but blew all my energy early on and
had to walk the last 15 miles in exhausted shame.
Also, Monopoly is
essentially 100 percent luck. Basically, you just buy everything you land on.
It’s simple probability. The more you buy, the more likely someone is to land
on your property, and the more likely you are to get money. Maybe there’s a
tiny amount of skill when it comes to building houses, but even then, it’s
pretty obvious where you should put them. If you land on community chest or
chance, you can basically get a huge bonus, or get completely screwed over, all
of which is determined by the literal luck of the draw. I don’t have anything
against completely luck-based games per se, only when said games go on for 4
hours. If I’m going to wait for 3 and a half hours to lose, I would at least
like to know I’m losing because I have been outplayed, not because I rolled the
wrong number on a dice.
Also, the trading
system in Monopoly is a joke. Why would anyone ever trade with someone when it
gives their opponent a monopoly? And why would anyone trade if not to try to
get closer to getting a monopoly? If you get a monopoly through trading and not
just pure luck, it is because your fellow players are not paying attention, or
are trying to be nice to you. Then again, if they were trying to be nice to
you, they would not have suggested playing Monopoly.
Okay,
so basically, I have just spent almost 500 words ranting about a board game
meant for 8-year-olds, and I’m feeling kind of bad now. Maybe I shouldn’t be
totally roasting Monopoly. However, I guess I feel like this is probably all
stemming from all those long, horrible nights playing Monopoly over Christmas
break that 8-year-old me experienced. So, in that regard, I don’t feel bad.
kids should be playing either games like Uno or Candyland that are quick
and fun, or games like chess that actually require some intelligent thought, and Monopoly
is certainly not either. If someone who was planning on playing Monopoly read
this and changed their mind, I will consider it 565 words well spent.
I appreciate this blog post and the anger that comes with it, but I have to disagree. I kinda thought about your points but Monopoly just holds too much nostalgia for me to even really consider them. Monopoly is a classic game, and luck and probability are actually the parts that make it fun! Maybe I just didn't have a life as a kid, but some of my best memories were just sitting around playing Monopoly and just chilling, not even counting the money or properties at the end. Also some of my possibly bad opinion probably comes from the fact that I didn't know to buy hotels or that you could trade until like 2 years ago.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Monopoly i a terrible game, but I think it was intended to be so. I read somewhere that the game we know as Monopoly is a re-brand of a game that was designed to bring out the worst in its player in order to demonstrate the evils of greedy landlords. It wasn't supposed to be a fair game, rather a demonstration of how unfair society can be. I don't know if what I read was fake news though, so don't quote me on all of this.
ReplyDeleteWhether true or not (I haven't heard before that Monopoly is actually intended to be an anti-capitalist game), I like this idea. I've always been uncomfortable with how the game idealizes sketchy financiers and real-estate development and revolves around the accumulation of wealth. We should all be playing something more socialistic and egalitarian, like "Collective" or "Universal Health Care."
DeleteI really like the use of the word "drudgery" and how you described the process of playing and losing Monopoly. While I do agree with you that Monopoly takes way too long (I actually don't think I've ever finished one single game in my entire life), and that the game runs largely on chance, I still enjoy playing it for some unidentifiable reason, even though I normally hate chance games. Maybe it's because I only play it like once a year.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know people played Monopoly to actually play Monopoly. Usually the only time I play Monopoly is to talk over Monopoly not seriously play to win. I didn't even know you could win. However, I agree that it's mainly luck based, which is why I don't play it seriously.
ReplyDeleteYES Monopoly is literally THE WORST board game. Almost 100% of the times I've played it with friends it had lead to inconclusive results due to our waning lack of interest as the game continues. That's probably the only true problem I have with the game. I'd say the "rant" tone you used throughout your post was a positive aspect as it kept me engaged and entertained.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on most points here. I think that monopoly takes entirely too long, and trudging through hours of a simple board game is just not fun. I think however, that what makes monopoly interesting is the human interaction that it brings. I think that when you're with a group of people that you enjoy spending time with, monopoly is a good outlet of a way to spend your time while doing something reasonably enjoyable. Overall, well written blog post!
ReplyDeleteNice post, Mr. Poopy Butthead. As I was reading it, I kept thinking that the criticisms you were making were pointed remarks on capitalism, considering Monopoly is like the epitome of capitalism. The idea of someone pulling ahead and no one being able to catch up to them for example (1% anyone?). There's also the concept of luck of the draw - the hand you're dealt in the real world kinda plays a big part in determining whether you make it out victorious. And also, anyone who doesn't win just hates it for the boring, lame, overhyped thing it is. Maybe the makers of Monopoly were secret disciples of Marx who designed the game to be frustrating and unenjoyable. Dun dun dun.
ReplyDeleteI've got to disagree with you on this one. While Monopoly does take longer than a cross country road trip from New York to Los Angeles, and it's based 90% on pure luck, the game is timeless, no other board game brings the same widely-varied emotional responses like Monopoly. You'll never encounter anyone losing a friendship over a game of Candyland. Nobody has ever flipped a table over due to a loss in chess or checkers. Monopoly is intellectual challenge due to the fact that, to win, you must stay mentally composed throughout.
ReplyDeleteYou presented some good points through your blog though. Also, I liked the ranting format.
I honestly agree. Every time I play monopoly it lasts ages and gets really boring toward the end. I do think, however, that there is a good bit of strategy if you want there to be. Selling a property to someone who will get a monopoly can be beneficial to the person selling if the price is high enough. You can also make further deals in the game (although im not sure whether the rules permit doing so) that make the game more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I used to love Monopoly, or I though I did. I always wanted to play but whenever we did my family would get bored very quickly so the games never lasted more than half an hour before everyone quit. I just wanted to finish a game because it seemed like it had such great potential. Well, a couple of summers ago we played a full game of Monopoly. Many full games of Monopoly. And it made me realize just how much the game sucks. I've also heard what Alex said, that it's supposed to take forever and be a horrible experience because it was designed to be a critique of capitalism. It's all luck, and the person who gets ahead gets to gloat while the rest of the players have to trudge along slowly losing their money.
ReplyDeleteI've heard the best strategy is to buy up all the houses early in the game and not upgrading them to hotels, preventing other players from building on their properties thus keeping their rent low and giving you a major advantage. But even then, the point would just be to show your friends or family what an awful game Monopoly is so they'll agree to play something else.
ReplyDeletepersonally, I have a love hate relationship with the game. I grew up playing it with my family, and enjoyed it then. But, it takes forever to finish, gets boring quickly, and usually prompts intense arguments between the players. I'm interested in the ideas some other commenters have brought up, like the undertones that like monopoly, society and life are unfair. Good post that made me think